WIPpet Wednesday! September 18, 2013

Good morning everyone! After a night of fun and games that involved bowling to the best of my ability and laser tag, in which I had the highest accuracy rate, I come to you with writing. This weeks WIPpet comes from Emma’s story–the one that still hasn’t been named. I was finally able to find a small amount of writing time this week.

This excerpt comes from Chapter 11 and is 9 paragraphs long. Emma and Joel have just escaped a botched kidnapping event and are just getting home to the lovely Molly. My math? It’s pretty simple… 1 + 8 = 9

Molly heard the crash and felt the building shake. Standing up from her desk, she raced to her parapet and tried to figure out just what had happened. She looked down and saw the bed of the red truck along with smoke drifting away from it. Gasping, she ran down the stairs to the garage where it was implanted in her home.

“Caroline! Joel!” she shouted as she tried to get around the vehicle to see if her people had any damage.

Stepping over the wreckage of the bumper that was lodged in the wall, half on the truck and half on the floor all at the same time, she slipped and twisted her ankle. Cursing under her breath, she ducked down and moved around to get a better look.

Caroline was leaning against the driver’s side window, her eyes shut and her breathing shallow. Joel was slumped under the seats of the car, his foot wedged on the gas pedal. Molly reached for her ever-present radio and called to her old friend and Amelia for their assistance.

Molly went to the passenger door and leaned in, pulling Joel’s foot off the gas pedal. She stretched to pull out the keys to the ignition and found none.

“What the—”

Caroline started to cough and Molly lost all train of thought. Joel looked far less injured than Caroline herself, although he looked to be severely drugged. Amelia ran into the room, her boots squeaking on the cement as she tried to stop her momentum.

Amachon showed up with two stretchers, one pushed in front of him and one pulled behind him. Amelia ran over and dragged one over, tugging Joel out of the vehicle and hefting him onto the stretcher. Caroline was still writhing and moving, her leg once again bent at an awkward angle. Molly whimpered when they started to pull her out of the vehicle.

“Careful…” she ordered as they gently rested Caroline’s head on the stretcher.

If you would like to join in, write a post with an excerpt of your current WIP (Work in Progress) that somehow correlates with today’s date. Then post it, link it up here, and go read everyone else’s posts! It’s great fun. Thanks to MyRandomMuse for hosting this every week.


Side note (now that I’m more awake): I’m doing a blog tour for my release of Dying Embers in late November. If you would like to join in, go to this link RIGHT HERE and then sign up. I’ll be contacting you in early November with more information.

12 thoughts on “WIPpet Wednesday! September 18, 2013

  1. Building shake, but it’s her house? Or is she in an apartment? Also, I’d like to know what the crash sounded like to Molly and maybe what the shaking did. Did a chair tip over? The chandelier started swinging? Dishes in the sink readjust, etc.

    Sounds intense!

    • It’s a house but it’s bigger than a house…which would be clearer if you had the rest of it. So it’s a building. The initial crash part is seen through Emma’s eyes, so I’m not sure if I’ll add in Molly’s POV on that. I have a series disdain for repeating scenes from a different character’s POV, but I’ll think about it.

  2. Without the context, I got a little POV-confused, but I thought it was intriguing. How did Joel run a car without keys into the building, and how, if he were the driver,did her make it out with fewer injuries, etc., etc. Good excerpt!

    • Joel didn’t. Emma did…which is how she did it, but Molly doesn’t know that yet. Joel wasn’t the driver–Emma was. Hmmmm…this is why it’s a WIP and there’s editing.

  3. Whoa! Intense scene there! Especially with your teaser explanation about a botched kidnapping attempt that makes me curious to know details of. Was this Molly’s home that they drove into? How was Amachon able to procure stretchers so quickly? It gives me the impression the crash took place at Molly’s place of work, which sounds like it’s an EMT kind of place. Ohhh the questions this WIPpet produced!

    • Molly’s home and workplace are the same…which would make sense if you had the rest of the piece. There is a medical bay in the third floor of the basement, which is how Amachon got the stretchers because he’s the doctor that’s always on staff.

  4. Boy, lots of action! I too had a little confusion in places, like other readers, but hey, it’s a WIP, right? :) We still have all the time in the world to clear things up. And because you mentioned kidnapping in the description, I didn’t have any problem with Joel not being able to drive. *g*

  5. I blame some of my confusion on it being “out of context” and skipping around (not necessarily you, but me who is in consistent in my readings). However, this part”called to her old friend and Amelia” made me confused for a few seconds, because I had no clue who the “old friend” she was calling was at all. And rather than old friend, I’d rather have a name or a reason for calling him descriptor (like in-house doctor or former EMT buddy). Just my 2 cents.

Tell me what you think. I wanna know!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s